The tale of snossigegate and more besides

Yesterday mine mummy did goes to mowwisons and bwinged bak a pound of snossiges.  Den she put dem on a baking tway and pushed it to de bak off de stove and went upstaiws to put de washing away.

Bessie did jump up weally high and nok de tway on de fwoor and den me and Bessie did eat de snossiges.  Mummy and Tom did hear de woud bang as de tway fell on de fwoor and dey ran down de staiws and Bessie was just snaffling de last snossige.

Mummy was bewwy cwoss and did gwound us.  Tom sook his head and walked away.  I did feel wike maybe we had been norty but Bessie say it OK, mummy not stay cwoss bewwy wong.

Den Mummy twied to dwigwace us by witing on facbook dat we was norty but all ouw fwends fort we did good and dat made mummy eben more cwoss.  Den she cooked some ham fow de hoomans tea and all de men and boys did say it bees bewwy nice and day not mind about de snossiges.  By de way dey was onwy 54p snossiges,dey wasnt eben nice snossiges.

So mummy did fogib us and let us bak on facbook. 

Den today we did go to Usk and had a wawk down by de wiber.  Wots ob peeples kept cawwing me Wooby.  But me not Wooby.  Me and Bess we wont to meet dis Wooby, see if she pwettier dan me.  Den we had some tweats off some wadies and mummy said we had been bewwy gud gurls cos we seen wots of dogs and we no gwowl at eny ob dem.  Den we went to da spar sop so daddy and bwyn cud buy sweets. 

Mummy did wate outside wib us and she sitted on a bench and not notice de bin.  So we tip de bin ober and Bessie eated a powk and stuffin woll and me did eat a pakit of beef monstuh munch cwisps.  Wy eny body want to fwow gud stuff wike dis away I don't noes?

Den daddy cummed out de sop and he tell mummy off cos de bin beed upside down and der bees wubbish all ober de fwoor.  So mummy has to pik all de wubbish up wif her pawsies and put it bak in de bin.  She no wike doing dat but wukky she habs a bokkle ob hand cweaner in her bag.

Den dis wady cummed ober wif a cat on a wead and we goes woof woof grr grr cos yoos not sposed to wawk a cat on a wead.  Den mummy says we is stoopid dogs and it not bees a cat, it bees a chewbacca dog.  Now i seed staw wahs and chewbacca much biggah dan dat but mummy says dees teeny dogs bees corled chewbacca dogs so dat must be twoo.  Ennyway den daddy says we outstays us welkum and we goes bak to de cah and me and bessie has a sweep and daddy and bwyn pways football. 

Den we cummed home and habs ceese and cwakers and anubber sweep on de settee.