Dis bees da news fwom ouw house today. Mines mummy say she goes bak to beds cos she exorsted and she got my gwane aftah us behabur. Me cudnt sweep so me walked bout a bit in de nite and went outside a few times (mum says 10, dat is a wie). Den bessie did get out ob her harness and beed a pain in de bum on de walk. Den we bof wolled in poo and needed baffs. Now we habing nap wid mummy cos we exorsted and got my gwanes too aftah busy morning. Dis apternoon we goin hewp mummy clean de fishies houses out. We gud at dat.
20th September
Dis bees da news fwom ouw house today. Bessie has chwanged her name to audwey. Mine big sistah Tatie wiking mawoon 5 lots. Mine big bruddah Toms gone to cowwege at nite time. Mine udder bruudah Bwyn did wear hims jammies all day but den so's did me so dats orwite. Mine mummy did go to aldi in her jammies and fwuffy wellies. But she bwought back stollen so dats orwite too. And tomowwow Cawly got to go puppy twaining. Dis bees de end ob de news.
22nd September
dis bees de news from ouw house yesterday: A english bull terrier did show me his willy yesterday, I was not impwessed. My dog twainer mite be able to twain skiwwels but him can't make cawly sit. neither can mummy. or Tatie. or Tommee hooman. Dey shud give up and take Bessie instead next week. she lubs to impwess people wif her twicks.
23rd September
Dis bees de news from ouw house today: cawly did fall in de pond. Mine jammies is bewwy wet and der is a big hole in de netting. But de fishies is orwite and cawly is orwite. Tatie wet me pway wif her scooby doo swippers cos me be's sad aftah me fell in de pond. De hoomans habing snossidges for der tea. Mummy said we can hab one each cos we gud giwls. Today we's mostwy wistening to de song dat goes "uh yeah I knows wot it is bwack and yewwow bwack and yewwow"
27th September
dis bees de news fwom ouw house today: Bessie be in de awful bad mood. She wouldnt walk on hew hawness and mummy had to let hew off lead all de way on ouw walk eben on de main woad. we did see wots ob dogs on ouw walk. der was pooduls and shit-zoos and twebors (bessie wikes twebors, she orways gets siwwy wound dem) and gwate dane and cowwies and dack wussels and bwack and wewww wabwadors. and i was a bewwy gud giwl and i only snapped at one doggy. she was a wewwow wabwador and her mummy said she in heat and i say i knows dat i can tell fwom her BA (dats Bad Attitood to yoo sucker MCs). Den we comed home and eated some daddy wong wegs and den had a sweep and den de postman waked us up wid a parcel for big brudder and Bessie did get all sky-co and she was going grrr hiss snarl and de postman waffed at her and she went back bed in a suwk. dis bees de end of de news so fah
28th September
dis bees de news fwom ouw house tonite. Bessie did go to doggy school insted off me. She no wike it, she cwoss wif me and say it mine fawt her haff to go cos me too stoopid too wearn. de wevver was a eat-wave today day say. we ad libber for noms. de house be's fuw off moss-key-toes. dem do bite yoos. mine big brudder did wook aftah me gud when mummyand bessie was out. him did sit on mine faborit stair wif me so's i cud snuggle wif him. dis bees de end of de news.
1st October
Dis bees de news fwom ouw house yesday: me and bessie did go on a adbenshur wiff ouw fwiends Dylan and Dougie. We went in de woods and ober a old qwawwy and mummy and aunty sawwy lifted us ober a barb wire fence. Aunty Sawwy did say she fink I hebbier dan Bessie now. Den we had a sweep in de garden and mummy hanged did wasing out. Den mummy left de fwont door open and bessie sed let's go on anudder adbenshur. I say I no want to go wiffout mummy but bessie make me so we boff runned off down de woad. But we got tiwed kwik and wen mummy cort up we was sat on de nayburs lawn a foo houses away. Den mummy weft us in de house so she cud go to food shop and daddy comed back fwom work and say do we want to go in de car. I no want to cos mummy wurry if we not der wen she get back so me jump out hibs car and wun back in house. But den bessie said daddy did take her to football field and mummy be der aweady. So I's missed out. I wemember dat fow next time. Den we had a hole tin ob sardeens for ums tea and watch tewwy wiff eberyone and den went to bed. Bessie had a dweam dat she a horse cos she naying in hers sweep. Dis bees de end ob de news.
1st October
dis bees de news fwom ouw house tonites. We has bin to pets at home. we did twy lots off cowwars on and mummy bort us new ones. mine bees bwack wether. it bees bewwy secksy. Bessie did a big swoppy poo on de fwoor in der and mummy has to cwean it up wiff tissues and dat handywash wot wadies cawwy in dems hambags. de wady on de till she not no dat dough and she say we coot and gibbed us gwavy bones. den we went to twedegah pawk and paddled in de wake wer dem swans do wive. den we comed home and had a baff. den we watched amewican dad and famiwy guy and doctor hoo. dis bees de end ob de news.
2nd October
Dis bees de news fwom ouw house today. We went to a basset sow. It beed fun. We saw wots ob udder bassets. Sum off dem was bewwy pwetty. I was gwad we had baffs wast nite cos all dem udder dogs was bewwy cwean and siny. And wots of peeples stwoked us and kissed us. And at de end me and bessie did hewp cwean up by eating de cips and pees wot joowy did dwop on de kitsen fwoor. Den we comed home and wotched cawwy on abwoad. Now we goin to wotch sexy factor and down town abbey. Dey has a nise dog on dat pwogwam.
4th October
Dis bees de news fwom ouw house today. Bessie suwking. De summer has finissed. It be a bit wainy today and a bit windy. Dat it. Not many news today. Dis bees de end ob de news.
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