OH MINE GOSS

I did fowget to tewl yoos orl sumfink bewwy impowtant.  We habs a wikkle babby sistah.  Her name bees Wotty.  Her is bewwy tiny an her is 2.  Her is ofishly us niece cos Tatie bees her mumma but we dus orl lib togevva wike sistahs.  She wubs to fite, like orl de time.  It dus tire me out.

today me dus see a pweeseman widin wound on de bak ob a normmus dog.  It bees normmus.  So I dus shout at it.  I shouts "Hewwo Mr pweeseman dog.  I want to hab mine foto taked wif yoo"  (dis is wot i did say, if Bessie says difwent den she a wiar).  anyway him ignore me, him pwobly bizzy doin pweeseman dog stuff.

noos fwash: So der i was sittin on de deckin habin a wikkle scwtach an mindin mine own bizzyness when dis chikin did forl out de sky an wand on de fwoor wite next to me dead as a dead chikin him was. So me eated him up. Me made shur me not weft any bits so mummy not get cwoss but den me did get bwood an fevvers on mine bed an mummy did get cwoss. Her did fink it was spicy de cat wot brunged de bird in fow me to eat but spicy de cat sat on de gwass lickin her bum an she say no it not me wot killded de chikin. Den Tom did say a birdy did fwy into his window an den mummy wealise wer de chikin did come fwom. Her say bad Cawly eatin a ikkle birdy but me say no mummy it not a birdy it be a chikin. Den me did not get no tea cos I had alweady had mine chikin/dead birdy (depending on if you team Cawly or team Mummy). Dis be de end ob dis noos fwash.

Wots happened so far dis year

De most importunt fing is Carly habs a boyfwend, hims name bees Tigah and him bees bewwy hansum.  

Mummy an daddy did take me to a noo V E T an she did gib me sum aunty biotics.  Well dem is wurkin, mine skin habs neber wukked so gud.  And it not neerly as itshy as it wos.  I still habs to ware a cone cos mine fase bees not kwite heeled but me no habs to ware de t shurt no more.    Mummy did buy pilshuds for us tea, dem bees dewishus. 

Cawly has wernt to pway wif udder doggies.  Me no gwowl an snap no more, mummy sez me bees a pweshur to take out.  

Me an Bessie did make vawentine pwesents fow us boyfwends, we did get ink orl ober us feeties and gwoo orl ober us fur but we did habs fun.  We hopes dey habs fun openin dem.

Dis bees mine Tigah

Ders woads ob udder stuff happened too but i is a bit cold an i gonna hab a wikkle nap wite now befor mine tea.  nite nite.

Mines noo designer coat

Dis bee de news today fwom ouw house.  So dis week de minihoomans has been on der holibobs fwom skool.  Some days mine mummy had to go to wowk and de minihoomans did wook aftah us.  Tom de biggest minihooman is de boss and Bwyn de littlist minihooman is de nortiest and Katie middle minihooman is de cheekiest, well bessie is de cheekiest weally but katie is de cheekiest hooman.  Bwynny and katie did hab a fite one day and katie did get hurted. 

On wensday bessie had to go to skool, hers skool was not on holibobs.  bessie sad bout dis, she not wont to go to skool but all day katie bin pwaktising wif her and dey was gud at skool.  bessie was de best at wowking on de wead and she did sit and down and stay gud.  at de end dey has a hexam and if dey passes dey get a stificut to pin on de worl. 

Yestuday was bissy day.  Mes and bessie went to Darcys wedding but wees got muggled wif de time zone and did turn up 5 hours earwy.  Well yoo can magin by de time of de wedding us pwitty dwesses wos cuverred in mud wheres we bin pwaying and digging.  Den we wushed home to get weady for de twip to bwakpoo luminashuns.  Mummy has borty us spensib noo coats.  we bees bewwy appy wif us noo coats and did wear dem to bwakpoo wich is gud cos it beed bewwy cold der.  Mine sistah Katie and hers boyfwend Tom did cum too wook aftuh us but den dey did forget me so i's went home wif sammy and hims mummy did gib me cuggles.

Todays we did goes fow work down de cassul.  we did wears us noo coats but i's did woll in sum mud and now mines coat bees dwying on de wossing wine.  mummy sed it bees gud fing i bees werring it udderwise it bees me hanging on de wine.

We's did make sum fwends down de cassul.  Der wos a babby dohbuhman.  hims was 5 munfs but hims was massif orweddy and der wos a ikkle wabwador wot we pwayed wif.

Aftuh dat we cummed home and had a sweep and dat is about it fow one week.

De End.

The tale of snossigegate and more besides

Yesterday mine mummy did goes to mowwisons and bwinged bak a pound of snossiges.  Den she put dem on a baking tway and pushed it to de bak off de stove and went upstaiws to put de washing away.

Bessie did jump up weally high and nok de tway on de fwoor and den me and Bessie did eat de snossiges.  Mummy and Tom did hear de woud bang as de tway fell on de fwoor and dey ran down de staiws and Bessie was just snaffling de last snossige.

Mummy was bewwy cwoss and did gwound us.  Tom sook his head and walked away.  I did feel wike maybe we had been norty but Bessie say it OK, mummy not stay cwoss bewwy wong.

Den Mummy twied to dwigwace us by witing on facbook dat we was norty but all ouw fwends fort we did good and dat made mummy eben more cwoss.  Den she cooked some ham fow de hoomans tea and all de men and boys did say it bees bewwy nice and day not mind about de snossiges.  By de way dey was onwy 54p snossiges,dey wasnt eben nice snossiges.

So mummy did fogib us and let us bak on facbook. 

Den today we did go to Usk and had a wawk down by de wiber.  Wots ob peeples kept cawwing me Wooby.  But me not Wooby.  Me and Bess we wont to meet dis Wooby, see if she pwettier dan me.  Den we had some tweats off some wadies and mummy said we had been bewwy gud gurls cos we seen wots of dogs and we no gwowl at eny ob dem.  Den we went to da spar sop so daddy and bwyn cud buy sweets. 

Mummy did wate outside wib us and she sitted on a bench and not notice de bin.  So we tip de bin ober and Bessie eated a powk and stuffin woll and me did eat a pakit of beef monstuh munch cwisps.  Wy eny body want to fwow gud stuff wike dis away I don't noes?

Den daddy cummed out de sop and he tell mummy off cos de bin beed upside down and der bees wubbish all ober de fwoor.  So mummy has to pik all de wubbish up wif her pawsies and put it bak in de bin.  She no wike doing dat but wukky she habs a bokkle ob hand cweaner in her bag.

Den dis wady cummed ober wif a cat on a wead and we goes woof woof grr grr cos yoos not sposed to wawk a cat on a wead.  Den mummy says we is stoopid dogs and it not bees a cat, it bees a chewbacca dog.  Now i seed staw wahs and chewbacca much biggah dan dat but mummy says dees teeny dogs bees corled chewbacca dogs so dat must be twoo.  Ennyway den daddy says we outstays us welkum and we goes bak to de cah and me and bessie has a sweep and daddy and bwyn pways football. 

Den we cummed home and habs ceese and cwakers and anubber sweep on de settee.

How we defeated Percy de Park Keeper and udder adbenshurs

Dis bees de news fwom ouw house today.  Littlest minihooman did hab a futborl match and mummy did say wud we wike to go and watch so wees did say yes ob cors we wud lubb to go and watch.  So wees all pile in de dogmobile and go to de futborl match and der is a bewwy big sine on de gate.  It does say NO DOGS ALLOWED.  So mummy goes hmmpfh how bewwy wude.

So wees go fow a wawk and daddy and littlest minihooman goes to futborl match.  Mummy says we got hour and a half so wees wawk for fwee kwarters hour and den turn bak.  Wee says dis bad idea, we no wikes tuwning bak.  Mees finking dis going to end in teers.  Bessie no wike tuwning bak, she does wike to wawk in a sirkul.

Anyway  mummy finks she noes best so we wawks.  We wawks down de stweet and den i do poos on de paff outside sumones house.  mummy say why yoo orways poo outside peeples gates?  I say i just needed poo and der i was.  she no unnerstand dough, she just wook at me wif dat embawassed face.  Den she pik up de bewwy stinky poo and wee take it wiff us.  Wulkily der bees a bin wiff a pikshur ob a dog doing a big steaming poo so she puts de smewwy bag in de bin.

Now is it just me or does ebberybodys mum make big fuss bout holding de bin wiff der sweeve and den dwopping bag of poo in bewwy kwikly and going gag wetch dis bin does stink weal bad.

Den a old wady did stop and stwoke us and say we bewwy coot.  so we does gib her our bestest coot smiwy fases.  She does wike ours smiwy fases.

Den we has a big pwobwem.  Mummy wants to wawk down Offahs Dyke Paff.  But der bees woads of kissing gates all de way down.  One mummy puwwing 2 bassets on weads fwough a kissing gate is a bewwy difficuwt opewashun.  It does take at weast 2 minits to get fwough each gate and der bees wots of dem.  By de end mummy going hab yoo gurls not wowked out how to get fwough deses gates wet?

Den by de time it is fwee kwarters of hour, mummy says we must turns bak now.  Me and Bessie we go no way, dis bad idea.  So we wuns bewwy fast to de next gate and we goes under de gate!  We fits.  Mummy bewwy cwoss cos we cud hab gon under de udder gates but we twied to skweeze fwough togebbeer ebbery time.  Den we hear did noise dat sounds wike minihoomans so we wuns to find de minihoomans so we can pway wiff dem.  Yoo nebber gess.  It was onwy our minihoomans futborl team on de udder side off de hedg.  We hab wawked in big sircul!  Me and Bessie was bewwy happy cos we no need to turn bak and we get to go in de pawk.  So we did!  We wunned in fwough de gate - dis a normal gate not a kissing gate.  And mummy has to wun in wiff us twying not to shout cos she no wont percy park keeper to sees us in his pweshus park.  Den we goes and sits by a bensh next to de udder gate so mummy can sit der too.  So she does cos she tiwed and we habs nise time watching de futborl and nobody did tell us off.

Minihoomans teem did woose 25 nil but we not awwoed to towk about dat.  Den we comed home.  Daddy cucked soup for de hoomans and mummy gave me and bessie a wasbewwy fwomarg fwais each.  Dems was dewishus, i fink daddy not impwessed cos we was wicking hims best spoons dough.